I remember praying last week to experience deaths to the flesh, that I may truly live in Him.
I seem to have forgotten this dangerous prayer, until I realize I am undergoing one of these "deaths" now. All the plans that I have made in vain for my future, the plans that I thought would lead me to a job, place, whatever that would fulfill me are getting shattered.
In a way, it is liberating. The structure of it all no longer consumes me, and I pray that the stress I am feeling in the present will turn into freedom to live in daily surrender to the King.
In another way, I am scared beyond belief. I have never not known what comes next. I have always known my path. Now I am standing at a crossroads. There are many paths in front of me that lead to many opportunities, all of which are equally as interesting and new to me. I'm unsure which path to take, and where each path truly leads.
A mixture of fear and excitement overwhelms me. The One who truly knows what is best for me, what I was created to do wants to lead me. I want to follow in obedience, obedience to the point of death. Much like the obedience that my King suffered for me. I simply do not know where to start. I can't discern which path I need to take in this present moment. He is moving in ways that I am not used to, which is incredible and scary. Truly unchartered waters.
My biggest prayer right now is that He will move. That He will move in my heart and show me the path to take today, because tomorrow has troubles of it's own. That it will be His choices guiding me through this life, because in His plans are where my true fulfillment lies.
"Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi
[disclaimer...this post is not about Uganda, I'm 100% going.]
