SAFARI!

Well, to put it briefly, safari was absolutely amazing.  It was exactly what I needed.

There was a group of 9 of us (including the driver) who went this weekend, all of which (except for maybe one or two) I haven’t had the chance, or taken the opportunity, to get to know very well.  So I was definitely nervous, but also excited at the same time because I could tell that this experience would really bring us closer, even if only a little bit.  It ended up being a lot more than that, and I made a friend who I hope, and pray, will be there forever.  I’ll explain more about that later though. 

We left early in the morning on Sunday and drove the absolutely GORGEOUS 6-hour drive to Murchison Falls National Park.  Seriously, the drive itself was incredible.  The scenery and the jokes we shared just really relaxed me right away.  It felt like such a luxurious vacation.  (Thanks Mom!)  We stopped in Masindi, a small village town, for lunch, and it was so nice to have some recognizable food that I would honestly want in the States.  A real cheeseburger and french fries.  Seriously, every time I leave the country, this is what I crave, and it was amazing to have that after a month of being here without it.  We then continued on to the final two hours of our drive, and started heading into the park.  On our way to the hotel, we were following a car and we watched him swerve off the incredibly bumpy dirt road, hit a ditch, start to flip causing all four-wheels to leave the ground, before smashing into a tree.  I didn’t see it happening, I just saw the car smashed around the tree after it happened, but nonetheless, it was definitely scary and a huge reminder that every minute we have here is a gift.  Luckily, the driver was the only one in the car, and he was completely fine, just a little shaken. 

Before we went to the hotel, we arrived at the point where we were going to hike down to see Murchison Falls.  We got out and began hiking uphill first, to be able to see the falls from the top of a cliff.  The view was incredible.  I had a very familiar feeling in this very unfamiliar place.  I felt the same way I felt when a few good friends and I went to the Bowl during Spring Semester and ate dinner while watching the sunset.  Total peace.  I don’t know that I can completely explain it, but I was completely at peace.  The verse and song that ran through my head the entire day, and in fact, the entire weekend was John 3:8, and the song “Wherever the Wind Blows” by Pillar.

 “The wind blows wherever it pleases.  You hear it’s sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.  So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” 

Every time I would start to get anxious, I would simply close my eyes and listen to the sound of the breeze.  I would feel the goose bumps rising on my arms, I felt enveloped in the wind, a part of it, and as the wind passed over me, my anxiety left with it. 

We took a bunch of pictures at the top of this cliff, and it was really fun because the girl I have made friends with is just as big of a photo geek as I am, probably bigger, so she helped me out a lot.  Then we took a hike down the cliff to the bottom of the River Nile so we could get some more shots of the falls.  It was really cool to just sit on a rock in the middle of the Nile, looking in awe at His incredible Creation.  I am so blessed that I got to do that.  We then took the terrible trek back up the cliff, which nearly took my breath away, and not in the way that the beauty of the falls did.  I got to follow my friend around while she did some video and in doing that I got some pretty cool shots myself.  It was really fun to finally have someone who I could lag behind the group with in order to get a perfect shot. 

We left soon after and checked into the hotel, and it seriously looked like a honeymoon spot.  We had one “hut” per two people that had two beds and a shelf set and mirror inside, and a bathhouse outside.  My friend and I stayed in hut #2, otherwise called “Simba.”  It was so much fun!   On the drive up, this girl and I discussed how we were both really big cuddlers, which pretty much sealed the deal on our friendship for me.  That was when we decided to room together, which was a really great decision because I got to hear a really cool testimony and gain an amazing friend who has now become probably one of the closest friends I have made here.   

The next day we woke up really early for breakfast and headed for the ferry that would take us across the Nile for the game ride, meaning the ride where we would see all the animals.  Once we got across the river, we all piled into the van after popping the roof up so that we could all sit on the roof in order to be able to see everything around us a lot better.  This in itself made my weekend.  I got to sit on the top of a safari van, while driving through the African grasslands, with a view of the Nile and various African animals in their natural habitat.  Excuse me if this whole post is completely cheesy, but it was absolutely amazing.  Again, the wind against my face, pushing my hair behind my ears, the stillness of the scenery, the feeling of my bare feet folded underneath my legs on top of the safari van, the absolute freedom as I lifted my head and hands to the sky while driving down the dirt road through the reservation, was extremely exhilarating and peaceful at the same time.  Again, my adventurous spirit soars. 

We saw everything from water buffalos, to giraffes, hippos, crocodiles, elephants, birds, antelopes, warthogs, and gazelles.  It was amazing.  We then boarded another boat that took us down the Nile near the falls, which was where we saw the hippos, and I took some really great pictures of the Nile.  We went back to the hotel and took a swim in the pool, yes the pool, it wasn’t anything like an American pool, but it felt luxurious despite the horseflies nested in the jets that were above the water level because of the leak in the bottom of the pool.  Our last day we just drove home, stopping for a decent lunch once again, and returned to the house. 

This weekend was everything I needed.  The Lord provided me with a weekend devoted to drawing closer to Him.  I honestly felt refreshed and renewed, and coming back to the house was exciting because I was really eager to get back into our ministry. 

“The wind blows wherever it pleases.  You hear it’s sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.  So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”  

A Real African Wedding.

Today was wedding day!  Or rather, it was introduction day. 

   

Oh my word, it was so fun and such a cool experience.  We got up decently early in the morning and got all done up for the day.  It was really fun.  I honestly looked good for the first time this trip I think.  We were such girls today, again, probably a first.  My hair was honestly straight, even in the humidity, and I got to do other people's hair and make-up, which was really fun.     We left around 11, which was about an hour later than we had planned, TIA.  (This. Is. Africa.)  Our car ride was about two hours long from Ntinda to Jinja.  Jinja is the city where the base of the Nile is, and it is where Sarah's family lives.     

The introduction ceremonies are always held at the bride's house and hosted by the groom’s family.  The bride’s family sits in two tents (depending on how many people attend) and the groom’s family gets the center tent.  The parents of both the bride and groom sat on some couches in the first row of the tent and seriously got star treatment.  They were served water, soda, and food, everything they wanted throughout the 4-hour ceremony.  We were all wearing a sheet of red, gold, and black striped fabric wrapped in the fashion such as a toga, but with a little extra flair to it.  We then got a black sash with silver fringe that they tied in a certain way around our waist, and we all wore big, black, chunky, African necklaces.  The boys wore trousers and a dress shirt underneath a full-length tunic that made them look like prophets from Jesus’ time, all with a suit jacket over top of it.  They were really hot.  

In order to enter the ceremony, we had to dance our way in, while in a straight line of girls and boys separated.  The girls all kneeled in straight lines on the mats, while the boys stood behind us.  We repeated a greeting speech in Luganda that was taught to us beforehand.  This gave many of the Ugandan attendees a good laugh.  We were then ushered to our seats in Sarah’s tent where we watched other people enter the ceremony.  Throughout the entire ceremony there were a bunch of little traditions that I couldn’t really understand because the entire service was read in Luganda.  However, from what I understood, the bride and groom sat in the tents “hiding” from each other.  The groom’s family asked one of the aunts of the bride about how they knew Sarah.  They were making jokes about her age and other things, which is apparently part of the tradition.  Then Sarah and her wedding party entered the ceremony and recited the greeting to the groom’s family.  However, the bride is not allowed to say one word throughout the ceremony, her family or wedding party always speak for her.  Then Sarah’s “maid of honor” had to take a rose in a basket and go through the groom’s tent and find him.  This tradition just proves to the family that Sarah’s close friends and family actually know who he is and that they have known him for a while.  Once she finds him, she pins the rose on his suit jacket and then he gets to sit with his parents and Sarah on a couch in the groom’s family’s tent.  

I didn’t understand many of the other things that happened, but we got to witness the giving of the dowry, which was actually hilarious.  The family got a sofa set amongst probably 50 baskets of various fruits and other gifts.  They were also given a cow and some livestock, but we didn’t get to see that.  Then the groom had some presents specifically for Sarah’s parents and for Sarah, and at the end of the ceremony, Sarah’s fiancé gave her the engagement ring.  Sarah cut the cake and we had cake and dinner before leaving her house.  

It was so interesting to see a little bit of their traditional culture, and actually be a part of it.  They were all so appreciative that we would take the time to come and abide by the cultural traditions.  When Sarah came back after a few days, she said that she really genuinely loved that we came and that we just made the ceremony for her and that we all looked really good.  

For once, we actually did.

preparations.

Well, just as a brief (well, as brief as I can get, and by brief I mean not brief at all) update on the events of the days that have passed:

In the morning on Thursday we went to Sanyu Babies Home and I got some really good shots of my friend Jenna doing her physical therapy on some of the little ones.  It was really fun for me to be able to do that for her and to see how much she appreciated them once I gave her the finished product.  I hope to get to do some more of that for other people, it's really good practice.  

In the afternoon we went to the Remand Home where I surprisingly saw Irene, though she had been released last week.  I have to admit, it was exciting seeing her, but at first I was a little frustrated because the justice system here is really really bad and I assumed they had messed up on her case because this has happened to many of the kids we have gotten close with there.  She told me that she had malaria and that the conditions at Remand were better for her health than at home.  Plus, she was getting free medication there so she decided to stay until she felt better.  I prayed with her quickly and she excitedly told me she had been reading the Bible I had brought for her last week.  She showed me the verses she liked, and I showed her some of my favorite verses, it was really fun to at least initiate a conversation like this with her that will hopefully be continued, or hopefully not because she won't be there.  I'm not sure.  I also got to give the Bible I bought to Susan who gratefully received it and immediately flipped it open.  We did our usual program there, and they were really crazy that time.  The people leading the songs couldn't even hear themselves because the kids were all jumping up and down screaming the songs at the top of their lungs, it was amazing.  Then Heath gave another amazing message that touched so many of the kids.  He asked them at the end of his sermon if they wanted to give their lives to Christ, and if so to ask an "uncle or auntie" (which is what they call elders, meaning us) to pray with them.  I had a girl approach me named Medina who could not speak a lick of English.  I had one of the Ugandans I have gotten close with translate for me, and she said she wanted me to pray for her.  I prayed as Collin translated and could see the sincerity of her promise in her face.  I asked Irene if she was new to the Remand Home and she said she had just been admitted on Wednesday.  I told Medina I would come back next week with a Luganda Bible, which I went into town today and purchased.  I am excited to talk with her more and learn her story.  I am also excited for next weekend because I can start going to Remand on Sundays just to visit with Irene, Susan, and Medina without having to pause during the "program."  

Speaking of Medina, when we went to Kyampisi Community Church, there was a girl also named Medina who I was really attached to, but who wouldn't speak a word to me.  (Excuse me if I've already written about her, I can't remember.)  I asked someone what was wrong, though I thought I remembered her from the week previous as a girl who had contracted HIV/AIDS from birth.  They told me that it was her who was infected and that she was infected from birth.  These kids don't get a lot of attention from their parents usually, because the parents think that they won't live very long.  So from a very early age, these kids are instilled with a hopelessness thats enough to break any spirit, big or small.  Before I came, the Lord laid it on my heart to pay for an infected kids ARVs, and I really feel it might be this girl.  I have asked one of the Ugandans who works with the kids to talk with the parents about how much they might cost and he is going to get back to me hopefully before I go on safari this Sunday.  

Today in the morning we went to Davemi Infant & Nursery School in the stone quarries by the King's palace.  That place is overwhelmingly beautiful, and I just love going there.  It's really crazy because it's at the top of one of the many huge hills in Kampala, so the drive up there in the safari van is adventurous to put it lightly.  But once you get there, you look out from the front "porch" (this is in quotes because, well, I can't really explain, it's more like a cliff I guess) and you can see for miles of the scenery of Kampala.  It's incredible.  However, it is amazing how much beauty there is in so many broken places.  Almost all the kids at this school have been infected with HIV/AIDS and their parents have as well.  So again, many of these kids have not much to hope for because of the thought process that has been instilled into their brains since they were diagnosed. 

 I got to see some girls I talked with last week, and they recognized me right away.  One of them was really why and every time I would look at her she would hide her face and giggle.  The other would do something similar, but I kept getting distracted because something about her was different from before.  I finally realized that she had some burn marks near her left eye that hadn't been there last week.  I tried to ask her what happened, but she only replied in Luganda and all the Ugandans were busy cooking porridge so I couldn't get her embarrassed whispers translated.  Oh how that frustrated me.  I really hope we go back at the beginning of next week so I can pull her aside right away with a Ugandan and we can talk about it.  I also noticed a little girl who just breaks my heart every week.  She has burn marks covering her entire face, and part of her skull is showing on the top of her head.  I'm not sure what is wrong with her, and I'm too afraid to ask her.  Not because of the disfigurement of her face, but because I know she struggles with it a lot, even as a 1st grader.  Each time I'm there I see someone picking on her, and she runs to a corner crying.  Today, it happened right in front of my face and it took all my energy not to cane the little girl who had teased her.  At the beginning of our "program" I went and sat next to her and whispered in her ear, "Peacey, oli mulungi.  Yesu akwagala nyo nyo nyo."  Which means, "Peacey, you are beautiful.  Jesus loves you so so so much."  She smiled and inched a little closer, never clinging to me like so many of the others do however.  I started rubbing her back a little bit when the little girl next to her spoke some quick, heated Luganda after slapping Peacey's arm.  Peacey stared at her for a few minutes, and I didn't even know what was going on, until Peacey collapsed with her head in her arms, sobbing.  My eyes filled with tears and I thank the Lord for calming my temper towards the other girl who had hurt this girl who was already hurting much more than I can ever understand.  I tried to console her, but Peacey being a pretty cold little 1st grader simply because of her circumstances, didn't allow my arms to wrap around her little waist, she wouldn't let me lift her to my lap, she just sat there next to me as I rubbed her back.  Every now and again she would look up at me and I would just whisper, "oli mulungi, nkwagala (you are beautiful, I love you)" over and over again, and she would put her face back into her arms.  I want to see her more before I leave, I want her to understand the Father's love for her so she can face her schoolmates with confidence and boldness.  I am praying for her now as well.

After going back and having a quick lunch me and my friend Jenna went to the post office to pick up the package my mother had sent me and to see if one of her packages had come or not.  We ended up getting back to the house late, so we went straight to Good Choice Primary School in Kireka on a boda-boda where we were supposed to do some general cleaning of the buildings.  This school is really fun because the kids are absolutely wild.  The van rolls into the compound and you immediately hear hundreds of kids clamoring up to the sides of the car banging on the windows, screaming for us to get out.  It is hard to get out without tripping and falling into a mob of little elementary kids.  However, it always grosses me out because the "floor" is just dirt, or rather mud mixed with poo.  Yes.  I said it.  The kids were out washing their shoes and simply throwing the dirty water onto the dirt/poo floor, just making it worse, and that's when it hit me that we were cleaning this.  That was an instant humility lesson.  We ended up having to further wet the floors of the classrooms so as to "control the dust" and then sweep all the stray papers and dirt out of the classrooms before mopping it all at the end.  We only got to sweeping before all of us were covered with the mud/poo and realized we were doing nothing so we went home.  

Upon arriving at the house, I began taking out my plaits.  I have to say, I already have post-partum depression over them.  I really loved them.  However, they were starting to look a little grown-in, and it's not really appropriate to wear your hair plaited at these introduction ceremonies if they're not looking absolutely perfect.  So for Sarah's sake, I took out my fake hair plaits.  I can't lie, my hair is so gross right now.  It is basically dreaded already because it is in clumps of grease from the braids, but at the same time it is all kinky from the braids.  I look like an 80's drag queen if we're going to be honest here.  Plus, I'm still covered in mud because I don't plan on showering until tomorrow so I'll be the most fresh for Sarah's intro, so my personal hygiene is just really great right now.  Another lesson in humility and not finding confidence in my looks: check.  I am definitely going to get them re-done before I come home because I loved them so much, but I am going to take the next 2-3 weeks to get my hair relaxed and clean before doing it again.  Plus I am trying to decide if I should just do the braids again, or what they call afro-kinky, which is basically just dreads made out of extensions so they can be taken out and used again.  Though it is much more expensive and I'm not sure how I feel about it, all the Ugandans and many of the MST's really want me to do it.  I guess we'll see.  

In other news, this will be my last post until Tuesday most likely unless I get time tomorrow, though I highly doubt it.  Tomorrow is Sarah's introduction ceremony and the girls spent tonight doing last minute touch ups to our outfits.  We ironed our "dresses," (A piece of red, yellow, black, and gold fabric that we wrap around ourselves and tie a black fabric belt around our waists with a black chunky African necklace and sandals) painted our nails, plucked eyebrows, the works.  I think this will be the best I've looked so far tomorrow.  We will be driving out to Jinja around 11 a.m. and we will get there around 1 p.m.  From there, the women in Sarah's tribe will help us tie our dresses and get them secured and we will practice the Lugandan greeting we must say to the in-laws before we enter the ceremony.  The men will be wearing full church attire (slacks and a button-up shirt) with a traditional African dress, though they all insist it looks more like a tunic from Jesus' time, and a suit jacket over it.  It will be hilarious, I simply can't wait.  Then on Sunday I leave for Safari until Tuesday evening!  I can't wait to use that time to just refresh and re-energize with the only One who can truly do this.  

In all, this weekend will be a good end to a rough week.

Purpose Post

Okay, here it is.  I was hoping this post was going to be decently profound, but I’m not sure it will be that way.  I am excited to post this nonetheless, but I hope all this introduction to it isn’t anticlimactic. 

So, before the Lord even laid this poem on my heart, I had been talking to a very wise woman about how I was frustrated that I didn't know my purpose here.  She simply said, "I don't think you're supposed to look for the revelation, I think you're just supposed to enjoy each day as a new experience."  Now that I see this, I know this is true.  As I have written about in earlier posts, God has taken me through many "deaths to the flesh" after I committed my life to Him last summer, simply as a way to transform me and grow me further in Him.  The "death" I had been going through before I left, and that I know this trip is serving to teach me, is the death to my plans.  

Any of you who truly know me, know that I am a planner.  I am just about as organized as you can get, and if it weren't for my planner and my iCal on my computer, I would probably get so stressed that I would take a day out of my routine to organize my life.  I have had the 10-year plan written up in my head as to how my life would run, but in the two months before school ended in Spring Semester up until the present, God has been ripping these plans to shreds one by one.  So this "death" is probably going to be one of my hardest.  

It also forces me to give up the control that I think I have over my life.  While I have been here, I literally have had no control over anything.  I can't control when we will go back to a certain school or project, I can't control if I have toast in the morning or not, I can't control what time we leave no matter what time we're supposed to leave, I can't control what we do, I can't control what happens tomorrow, I can't control the internet, I can't control the running water or the electricity, and these are just the basics.  Probably the worst thing I have experienced however, is the fact that I can't control the people I meet.  I can't handle their problems.  I can't fix them.  However, He is showing me that He can.  By showing these people Him, whether that means we tell them about Him directly, or simply show interest in them out of brotherly/sisterly love in Christ, He will reveal themselves to them, and He will help them.  I just may not see it.   

Now, simply because I have written this down, doesn't mean I fully grasp it.  Many of these things still frustrate me, and I know His work is not done yet.  However, He has given me another month to work through that with me.

I was going to wait to post this next part until the end of the week, but this little teeny message from my Jesus is what has been pushing me through my ministry the past three days.  I am so excited about it even now, that I simply cannot wait any longer.  I guess the way I am going to do this is that I will type it up now, and explain it as best I can, though I would like for it to speak for itself for the most part.  I hope you enjoy it, and don’t find it too corny. 

He loves them so much.

His Heart yearns to be beside them all day long.

Yet He can’t.

We are too broken.

Too far away.

His arms stretch from the Heavens,

Still they do not reach.

His broken Heart beats.

It pounds furiously in His chest.

Longing to hold His sons and daughters safely in His arms.

He sends His Son.

This is the only way to ease His broken Heart.

Yet the compromise is bittersweet.

He sends The One to save the many, from the one who destroys them all.

His Son lives on.

His Son lives in Me.

He breathes in Me.

He Loves in Me.

By sending me here,

By sending me to them,

He gets to be here as well.

He gets to be here, with them.

I bridge the gap.

Through Me, He feels the smooth, dark skin of His children.

Through Me, He kisses their cheeks.

Through Me, He tickles their bloated bellies.

Through Me, He whispers His Perfect Love in their ears.

He rejoices at their smiles, and contented giggles.

He Loves them, through Me.

I am here to bridge the gap,

The gap that keeps Him from them.

Now that I have been sent, He holds them once again.

There is no glory for His Vessel.

Though a Vessel never asks for glory,

She only asks to be used.

He uses Me, to Love them.

This is why I am here.  I am not here so that I can show everyone how cute I look holding an African baby.  I am not here to prove to people how great of a humanitarian I am because I went and helped out in Africa.  I am not here to be able to tell people that I led "x" amount of people to Christ.  I am not here to make any sort of profit, or get any sort of glory whatsoever.  I am here because Jesus Christ, the Son of God, my Abba Father, lives in Me through His Spirit.  I am here because my Father misses His children, and wants to hold them again.  He wants to be with them again.  I am simply His Vessel here.  

It is this image that keeps me moving.  It is the gift of His eyes that allows me to love these kids unconditionally.  Each time I go anywhere and catch the glance of one of His beautiful children, He shows me His Heart for them.  He shows me how much He loves them, how His Heart breaks for them, how much He misses them, and it takes all of my energy to not run up to them right then and there and wrap them up in a hug and never let them go.  

He simply wants to hold them, and Me, being undeserving of any role in His Plans, am honored to be able to let Him hold them, through Me.

It's all for Him.

Despite my bad day yesterday, and the broken times I had yet to experience in the coming day today, I had a good wake-up call this morning at devotions.  We sang a song that many of you will know: “I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about you, all about you Jesus.”  I am reminded that even though I am sad about my friends not being here, the ones from home and the ones that have recently left, it’s not about me.  He calls me back to Him.  He takes my chin with His hand and turns my head back to meet His gaze.  My time here is all about Him, and it was great to be reminded that so simply this morning.

Our first ministry we went to was Katalemwa Children’s Hospital, and it was our group’s turn to talk with the moms.  I ensured that I got a different translator than last time so that hopefully I would have a better experience, and for the most part I did.  This time we spent a lot of time getting to know these women’s stories and listening to their struggles, and then we just prayed for them at the end or gave them any encouragement we had.  For the third time in three days, my eyes filled with salty tears listening to the first woman’s story.  She was a jaja (grandmother) and one of her eyes was missing.  We asked her why she was there, and about her life.  She told us she was there for her grandson, who was born with both of his legs crippled.  We asked where his mom was, and she told us she had died 1 week after he was born.  She told us she had given birth to three daughters, one of them died, and the other two have disappeared.  Her husband is too old to work, so they do not have any form of income.  She had lost her eye a few years ago when she got a disease and it became so infected that it was completely useless, and would have caused the disease to spread through her entire body.  When her daughter got pregnant, she was so ashamed of what happened to her that she refused to tell the jaja who the father of her child was.  She died before the jaja could figure it out, so she was now forced to take care of her grandson.  She started crying as she told us that she didn’t know how she was going to pay the balance for her grandson’s treatment at the hospital, so she was forced to stay there until she could figure it out, causing her balance to continually causing her more and more stress.  My eyes filled with tears as I watched the tears flow out of both of her tear ducts, even the one that was missing her eye. 

Again, I feel useless.  I’m sure we did all we could, but I still feel it is not enough.

After this we were supposed to go back to City Side Secondary School, the one we have been going back to for a while now.  There was another communication error, and the other teams went to City Side while we went to Clive College.  I think I was still so broken from yesterday that I didn’t think anything of it.  I don’t have much to comment on about this day except that Heath, one of the new guys who is one of my favorite people here, gave an incredible sermon that touched even me. 

Later on in the afternoon, I was supposed to go back to Kyambogo College with a few others to see Lydia and watch them practice basketball, as I usually do.  But the van that was going there left without me and another girl who was planning on going.  All these communication errors are getting me very excited for safari, when I can just get away for a while.  We ended up going with a different group to Bethany Secondary School where they played basketball with their school team.  We lost, but I had fun taking pictures and sitting with some 7 year olds as they laughed at my attempts at Luganda. 

Now we are back at the house, and I am looking forward to tomorrow, as hopefully it will be a better day.  We are going to Sanyu where one of my friends has asked me to come with her and take pictures of her last time at the Babies Home.  She is in her last year of university for occupational therapy and has been practicing the things she would do in her job here at the Babies Home and at Katalemwa Children’s Hospital.  She has not been able to take pictures at the Babies Home because we just recently got permission.  She has really appreciated a lot of the pictures I have taken and she asked if I would take some photos for her while she’s doing therapy.  I readily agreed, and am really looking forward to this job.  I am also thinking about asking one of the Ugandans if I could take a day this week to not actively participate in the ministries, but simply take photos, as this is where I have found my joy so far this week.  We are also going back to the Remand Home, so I will see how Irene’s case has worked out and will be able to give a Bible to Susan. 

I am simply praying for refreshing and for guidance on what I can do to help ease all these broken hearts.

Hello, Goodbye.

So, I will use this post to update about the week thus far, though it has seemed to be a blur since Monday night. 

In the morning on Monday we went to Sanyu Babies Home.  I spent the first part of the day in the smaller baby class, which I have decided is not my favorite job.  I can handle it for a little bit, like feeding time or washing time or something, but just sitting there with them for so long is really hard.  Part of the reason why I like Sanyu is that it is a lot more organized than Nsambya and I know the kids get enough care and attention, and their brains are stimulated.  (At least most of them.)  However, it is really hard to sit there in a room of 15 babies when there are about 20 volunteers all wanting to hold one.  I just feel useless there sometimes.  After a little while of watching other volunteers steal the babies I was playing with originally, I finally stood up and started taking some pictures.  This brought me so much joy.  I really love the photographs I am able to take here, and to see the joy on other’s faces when I catch one of their precious moments.  After discovering that our ministry was officially allowed to take pictures, I went outside to take some more pictures and saw that we were having song-time with the 2 and 3 year olds.  I officially love the toddlers at Sanyu.  They are so crazy and absolutely hilarious.  I spent a lot of the time taking pictures of my friend Emily, since it was her last day in Uganda. 

After visiting Sanyu, we came home and had lunch and then had our planning meeting, probably the quickest meeting we’ve had yet.  I spent the rest of the day hanging out with Emily and some others before she left. 

Oh my word, I never thought losing a friend that I made in probably less than a month would be so hard.  We had our goodbye prayer circle for Emily, Jessie, and Kevin, and then me and my friend Jenna went with them to the airport.  As for Jessie, she was the one who came with me on my flight to Uganda; I am now the only person left who came the same time as me.  Kevin, he was really great because he was incredibly sarcastic all the time, but if you pulled him away he was really wise and really good to talk to.  But Emily, oh goodness.  She was someone I just felt myself with.  I really believe we will be friends long after this trip, and I can only pray this will happen.  She is truly an incredible person.  I think I have stayed pretty strong this entire month, but once I got home and realized the person I always went to was gone, I just broke down.  I feel really bad for the 5 new people who are here, because I know that first week is really challenging, and I am not doing very much to help them transition. 

Today we went to Modern Infants Primary School again, and it was really fun and crazy as usual.  Afterwards we had lunch and went to King Solomon’s Secondary School in Kyambogo.  I have to admit, when we got there I got another wave of sadness at my friend leaving because she and I had some fun times together at this school.  I think this week is going to be my breaking point, all of it. 

Anyways, I really enjoyed the program we did there, and then afterwards we stayed after to talk with a few of them before they had to go to class.  I got to talking to some girls, one named Fiona and another named Maureen.  Fiona was really stylish (or as they say here, “smart”) and said she wanted to be a journalist.  Fiona started to get a little bored of me I think, and she left to talk to someone else, so I got to talk with Maureen.  Her story and the absolute reality of the suffering here hit me like a ton of bricks, causing me to leave the school with tears in my eyes, angry that I still can’t think of anything I can do to help her.  I asked her how she was, what year she was in school, all the usual questions, however when I had been through all these questions we still had a little time left.  I asked her how her life was, and if she would tell me about her family.  She started to get emotional as she told me that she was in Senior 5 (one year before she graduates from secondary) but she is never sure if she will be able to make it to graduation.  Her family comes from a village far away from her school, though both of her parents died when she was young.  She had an older brother who was 23, and three younger sisters.  Her older brother is working to pay for Maureen’s education, though he himself has not been educated past P.6 (6^th grade).  Her sisters were not in school because their brother could only afford one at a time.  She constantly feels pressured to do well in school and get a good paying job to pay back her brother and help him care for their sisters.  The tone in her voice was so genuinely desperate that my eyes started filling with tears just listening to her.  I asked if her family was Christian, and if she herself was “born-again” she said she was, and then she asked me to pray for her and her family and to continue praying for them even after we left that day.  I did so, though I didn’t feel like I deserved to because I knew that I had much more than her materially, but I still could not think of a way to help her and her family.  She then brought me to her classroom and had me pray for her extremely immature classmates, I won’t explain the harsh adjectives used here because in comparison to the story I had just heard, the comments I got from some of her classmates infuriated me.  She held my hand the entire rest of the time as I asked her more questions about her family, searching for a way in.  The only things I can think of are to sponsor her until she finishes school and then move on to sponsor her sisters and brother in the same way once she has graduated.  However, there is a girl in the Acholi squatter’s area that I was thinking of sponsoring already, so I’m completely unsure of what to do.  I don’t think I’ve ever been that silent in the car ride on the way home.

Later on we actually did go and visit the squatter's home, and I was torn even more when little Josephine, the girl I was thinking about sponsoring, asked the first person out of the car where I was.  When she saw me step out of the car she ran up to me and jumped in my arms.  She refused to let go, burying her head in my shoulder, as I asked her how school was, how she was, how her parents were.  She answered all my questions after which I whispered into her ear, “Nkwagala nyo nyo Josephine” which means: “I love you so so much Josephine” in Luganda.  She turned her head towards my right ear and whispered, “Nkwagala Emily.”  This was the highlight of my visit there, as afterwards it got a little chaotic and my strength was tested once again.  We had gone at a time where the kids were just getting back from school.  Needless to say, all the mzungus at these slum houses attracted a lot of attention from the kids coming home from school, and even the ones who didn’t live there came to say hello.  Some of them came for legitimate reasons, because they wanted to play and be loved on, while others came to see what they could steal from the mzungus.  It broke my heart as I heard one of our girls tell Vanessa, who passed the message onto me, that the kids from school were making fun of them and were stealing the gifts we had passed out.  It was absolutely chaotic, and it was so frustrating because if we had just organized it a little better before jumping straight into it, it would have worked out so well.  This is one of my frustrations, many of the Ugandans do not communicate with each other or with the American MST’s very well, and it causes many of our projects to fail or not run as smoothly as we would like.  Vanessa apologized to our kids before we left, and our hearts broke when they immediately began telling us about their lives, only for us to cut them short because we had to go.  We promised we would be back soon.  I am praying that the other kids who witnessed us talking and playing with them will not tease them in school and will not rob their houses searching for the gifts the white people gave to them. 

I have cried at least once every day this week, and I don’t see an end nearing.  He is showing me His heart for His children, which is beautiful.  But He is also showing me how it feels when His heart is broken over them, which is excruciating.

sabbath.

I really needed this weekend, which I took as a Sabbath and a time to get some things that I have been meaning to do.  It seriously refilled and refreshed me, and got me re-excited for the ministry God has called me to do here.  

In the morning, I got to write a letter to one of the girls I have gotten really close with and will really miss, which was good because she was gone visiting her sponsor kid in Luweero and I haven’t had time to do it since she’s always around.  I also ordered a copy of the devotional I brought that my mentor had given to me because she really likes when I share with her the things that the Lord is teaching me through it, and I really feel like it would bless her a lot.  Then the people who didn’t go on safari, rafting, or bungee jumping that day all went into town to get some last minute (for them) gifts from the craft market, and a few of them went out to eat while 3 of us returned to the house for lunch.  

After lunch, I hung around the house a little bit and answered some e-mails and just relaxed.  I went outside to the backyard and had the God-time I had been craving.  I didn’t even realize I was sitting out there for about an hour and a half.  It amazes me how incredibly spot-on this devotional book has been for my trip.  I also tried to journal a bit in my prayer journal I brought, but that took a long time.  It seriously helped a lot though because I ended up sorting out a lot of things that have been running through my mind simply by writing down on paper exactly what has been in my head.  

After this, I sat back and closed my eyes for a little meditative prayer time.  This is something I absolutely love in my relationship with Christ.  When I take the time to do this, he blesses me richly, and I was excited that I would finally get to do it here.  It’s really hard to explain, but basically this time was a lot different than usual and I started to freak out.  However, I really feel it is simply because of my change in location, but not in the way you are thinking.  My space in this world, my role in this generation is changing, and therefore I am changing.    

In this time with the Lord, I was reminded of a poem a good friend of mine recently wrote and shared in her blog.  It was so inspiring and beautiful, and dealt with a lot of things going on in my head right now.  I felt God nudging me to try something like that, so I asked for His hand to guide mine in my journal, and I simply began writing.  The words just came out.  They flowed out of my pen, onto my journal, in a poetic fashion that I have never been able to do on my own.  There are still some things I think I want to add or delete here and there, but once it is perfected, I will post it.  This piece of prose, poetry, whatever you want to call it was really special for me to read because I know it was not me who wrote it.  I read the words that His Spirit formed and am stunned into awe.  I now know my purpose here, and it’s not this huge revelation or anything, but I know at least one reason why I am here this summer.  I know His will and plan is perfect, and I know what He is trying to teach me, at least right now.  I won’t give it all away just yet though, maybe in my next post.  

I left this time with God fully refreshed and invigorated, ready for ministry.  I felt joyful and I wanted people to notice that it was not my joy, but His.  I saw the neighbor kids, Rihanna & Jeremiah (3 & 4 years old, respectively) and decided to take some time out of my day to play with them.  That was SO much fun!  They are absolutely crazy, and it is easy to invest in them since they live right next door, and are related to one of the Ugandan volunteers, so they are at the house all the time.  I am really excited to invest in them over the next month of my stay.  

This morning we went to St. Kakumba Chapel in Kyambogo, and thank the Lord we only had to attend the service.  It ended up being a really great service because this woman preached and she was really funny and was easy to pay attention to, plus the content of her sermon was really deep and insightful.  The rest of the day we just hung out around the house, those of us who didn’t go on safari this weekend.  Vanessa and I decided to go back and visit the squatters, but this time we brought my laptop, some sweets, and The Lion King DVD.  It was SO cute to watch them watching the movie.  The little ones would giggle as Timon & Pumba started singing about fuyes (farts), while the older ones would translate what was happening to them.  It was possibly one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.  Then after the movie was over, we had about a half-hour before we had to get back, and they wanted to sing and dance for us as they always do.  It was really cool because they did a traditional Acholi dance, and I felt like a proud mother as I videotaped them haha.  

I’m very excited to post my “purpose” post, but I want to save it until I have my piece of prose perfected.  Tomorrow we are going to the Babies Homes in the morning and then spending the afternoon planning the week.  Plus, this Saturday I will be attending a traditional Ugandan wedding ceremony.  However, this is not the actual wedding.  In their culture, they have an “Introduction Ceremony” before the wedding.  This basically serves the same purpose as an engagement party; only it is a way bigger deal than the actual wedding day.  Every attendee must wear the traditional dress, according to the bride’s tribe, and there are certain rituals that we will have to learn: how to kneel correctly, when to kneel, how to dance, when to dance, etc.  This ceremony is set in place for the families of the bride and groom to be officially introduced to each other, and when I say families I mean full-extended-cousins-of-cousins kind of families.  They find it really important to have as many people as possible at the Introduction so they have more people that will hold them accountable to keep their marriage strong, and bear witness to their vows.  This is also the time when the groom presents the dowry to the bride’s parents.  Yes, they still use a dowry system here.  Only most of the time they don’t use money, they use cows.  So the groom will either present the family with all cows, cows and some goats, maybe some chickens and fruits, and definitely a little bit of money in there as well.  This is why it takes so long for a Ugandan man to marry, because cows here are very expensive and some parents are very picky about the dowry.  I’m not sure what Sarah’s dowry is, but I am excited to see this traditional transaction.  I will also be leaving for safari on Sunday the 26th in the morning, and will be returning on Tuesday, so there won’t be any posts during that time.  I love you all, and I hope you are bearing with my super long posts, but most of all I hope you are blessed by them!

In His Perfect Love,

Em

helping kids in need

This morning we visited Kyambogo Primary School, which is where the kids who live in the squatters’ houses go to school.  My group went with the kids from p.1 to p.3 (equivalent to 1st-3rd grades) and I got to see Josephine again!  She is so precious; I just love her.  It was really weird though because when we visit her at home, she is absolutely NUTS.  She is the one dancing in the corner, completely off-beat, hoping no one is watching her, and then giggles with possibly the cutest laugh I’ve ever heard when she sees me laughing at her.  However, at school she was really calm, most likely because she didn’t want to get caned by her teacher (yes, they still cane children in the schools here) so it was really weird to see that side of her.  But she still was cute as can be and hugged me upon leaving.  I’m really praying about whether I should sponsor her or someone on the waiting list.  

This afternoon we went to Kids In Need, an open-door policy orphanage of sorts in the area.  Basically, street children are allowed to live and go to school there, but they are also allowed to leave whenever they want.  We were supposed to help them paint some of the structures within the facility but we didn’t have any paint ready, so for a few hours we sat around and played with some of the kids.  It was really fun because there is this one boy Peter who is so amazing.  You can just tell he as a joy that can only come from the Lord.  We saw him last time and he just smiles and dances all the time, always asks how you are and wants to talk with you and learn from you.  He is simply amazing.  He taught me an African card game, which I promptly beat him at, and I taught him an American card game, which he beat me at.  It was really fun just hanging out and talking with him.  We finally got the paint with only about 2 hours left in our visit time, but we only had like 2 or 3 paintbrushes, so I ended up just playing with the kids for longer.  

Not much more to comment on, but I was definitely relieved to have a more relaxed day today.

good day.

Today was a really good day.

Sorry to everyone who has been disappointed by the frustrations in my last posts, I am trying to keep this blog as honest as possible, and if this is the case, 2 months in a foreign place is most likely going to have a few frustrations.  

In the morning we went to the Babies Homes, and I returned to Nsambya.  It was really nice to just sit with the "moms" and peel potatoes, and then just hold babies.  Really relaxing, seriously.

Then in the afternoon we got to return to the Remand Home.  I was very eager about this because I had bought some things for Irene, including a Luganda Bible, knickers, and a towel.  On my way there I said a little prayer, that she wouldn't be there.  She was innocent and had her court date on Wednesday and I was hoping she would be released.  But I was also hoping I would get to see her.  When I got there, I scanned the room and couldn't find her.  I sat down uncomfortably in our usual spot in the classroom, the first time I had felt awkward there.  A girl, Susan, who was friends with Irene came and sat beside me.  I asked her how she had been, and if she knew where Irene was.  She told me her court date was actually today, so that was why she was not here.  We then started the program and it was absolutely insane.  The kids went crazy and it was so much fun to worship with them.  They were dancing, jumping, drumming, shaking like it was their job and it was so much fun to see their smiling faces despite their unfortunate circumstances.  After the message, I started talking to Susan again, asking why she was here and if she would get a chance to get released like the others.  She told me that she had been working for someone for 6 months and had not received any pay.  She decided to ask her boss about it, and he reported her for stealing his money.  She said the judge even acknowledged that he was using her for child labour, something that is unfortunately very common here, but she was still sentenced to serve her term at the Remand Home.  She said she was going to be there until August 19.  All of a sudden, this girl who was just glowing with joy, came bounding into the classroom, and I noticed it was Irene.  She was no longer in her uniform, but in daily clothes.  She ran over to me and gave me a huge hug, with an incredible smile to follow, as she screamed for joy that she had been released.  She was going to stay in Remand Home for a while until she could get money to take her home to Entebbe, and then she would be free to go.  I had never seen her so happy and excited, and when we talked she didn't whisper to me out of embarrassment, she spoke as loud as she could with such joy.  However, she had just spent the entire day in court so she was really hungry, so I let her go and eat after giving her the things I brought her.  I started talking to Susan again, and she told me that she really wanted a Bible.  I guess this caused me to realize how much of a baby I have been here.  Before I left for this trip, the Lord laid it on my heart to use a certain decently large portion of my money for Bibles.  I was going to buy them beforehand, but the people here suggested I wait as some of them can only read Luganda.  As of now, what 4 weeks into my stay here?  I have only bought one Bible.  I also realize that there are so many people here who are just craving love and attention, and yet I am trying to limit myself to one or two people at each project we go to.  This is the reason why I agreed to buy her a Bible, and will be buying some more Bibles for a friend who can't afford to buy ones for the kids she has connected with.  I've decided to become more proactive in fulfilling at least one of the roles God has set for me here, because it is so easy and it is a huge seed that can definitely be grown with the correct resources.  As we were about to leave, Irene came back from eating and ran and gave me a huge hug.  She said to me: "Emily, will you just pray for me right now, now is a time to rejoice!"  I eagerly agreed, and asked her if there was anything specific she wanted prayer for.  She thought for a few seconds then said: "No.  You just pray whatever you feel is in your heart."  This just astounded me.  Almost every child I have prayed for has asked for something, for God to provide their school fees is the main one, but I've even gotten one asking me to pray they will get an American sponsor.  But this girl, who was just released from juvenile detention, had no money to get back home, no parents back at home (she lives with her aunt), and no other family members, had left school because of being arrested and didn't know how she would be received when she returned to school, she didn't have anything that she felt like she needed prayer for.  She simply felt blessed that she had been released.  I prayed for her, gave her another huge hug through her outstanding joy, and left, possibly with a portion of her own joy.  

Later today, me and Vanessa decided to take a boda-boda to visit the Acholi squatters to give them the vaseline we bought for them and see how they were doing.  We got there and immediately all the kids we had seen before raced up to us and gave us a huge hug.  Even the moms smiled and waved at us before coming over and greeting us.  I just love how connected we are with that place, and how amazing those kids are.  We gave the gift to the eldest child, since she is responsible for getting the kids ready for school in the morning, and she said she would try to distribute it equally amongst them all.  I felt really bad because it seemed that my two jars of vaseline were a pitiful gift in comparison with what they need, but they were grateful still.  We couldn't stay long, but we promised we would come back on Sunday and visit after church.  Vanessa suggested to me that we bring a laptop with a movie and some ice cream for them, just as a little party since Vanessa is leaving soon and all her weekends already have things planned.  I am so excited to get to do this with them.  

Also, just as a little update on the team, we just got a few more people in as the other two left, and one is from NORTHERN IRELAND.  It is the coolest thing ever, and I know I sound like a nerd, but I could just listen to her talk all day.  I guess I knew there was an Irish accent from movies and such, but I always pictured them as fake.  She is very outgoing and bubbly and I just love being around her.  Yes, she has already said I can visit her when I am in Europe this spring.  So now I will be visiting my friend Hannah in Bristol, England; Amy Larder in South Hampton, England; Amy Kyle's parents in London, England; and Amy Kyle in Liverpool, England (where she goes to University) and in Belfast, Northern Ireland.  I am so excited.  I have also found out that one of the Ugandans who I have gotten very close with will be doing some ministry in Bath, England for a year, so I will get to visit her as well which is so exciting!  While all these newbies are very exciting, it means that many of the ones I have connected with are leaving.  I am sad to see many of them go, as five of them leave on Monday and five come in on Tuesday, but I am excited to meet more people and hear more stories.  There are so many incredible people in this world, and I am proud to say that I know a good few handfuls of them.  

wednesday

Today was a better day than it has been recently.  We went to Katalemwa Children's Hospital this morning, and instead of working in the kitchen, and with the moms like I had previously, we got to actually work with the kids.  It was incredible.  These kids were so severely disabled that almost all of them had some form of cast or a metal casing with pins that went through their bones, stabilizing their legs, arms, whatever was the case.  It was so incredible as I was walking to the classroom, led by a little boy named Peter with casts on both of his legs, he stopped and dropped his crutches, flinging himself onto my legs for support.  He begged to be held and I carried him into the classroom and sat him in his chair.  This was obviously not what he wanted because he instantly stood up on his casts and hobbled over to me, where he then begged to be held and sit on my lap.  He stayed there pretty much the whole time, and he was so cute.  He was just craving love so much.  I also was blessed when I turned around to set Peter in his chair before I left, and I looked up and saw about 25 drawings by different children of Jesus.  Jesus on the cross, Jesus holding a child, His Name written in a heart with a child's handwriting spelling out trustingly "I love my Jesus, the Son of God, my Savior."  These kids are so amazing.

We then went back to Cityside Secondary school afterwards, which was a school we had been to more than once.  The Scripture Union there is absolutely incredible.  There are so many kids who go, and the Spirit is alive in that place.  One of the girls in my group gave a message that was definitely something that at least a few of them understand and experience in their lives.  It was really powerful.  

After lunch we went to Kyambogo College where I got to play cards with some kids and talk a little with Lydia, though not for very long because she was playing basketball.  

Then tonight, for dinner, a few of us went to the Ndere Cultural Centre where we got to see a show where a bunch of traditional African dancers performed all of the tribal dances and did some drumming.  It was SO cool!  Plus, we got pulled up to the front to dance and I was told that I can dance like a Ugandan really well, so that was really cool.  I swear their butts move as if they were a separate entity from their bodies.  

Other than the strength of the kids at Katalemwa, and the incredible faith I got the pleasure to witness there, I'm not sure I have much more to add.  However, I am excited for tomorrow because not only will I get to go to the Babies Home in the morning, but I will get to see Irene at the Remand Home in the afternoon and give her the things she asked for.  I am also going to see if me and a friend can go back to the Acholi squatters' houses because I bought them some vaseline and soap.  (The reason why this is a really legitimate gift is that African skin needs to be moisturized with vaseline directly after bathing otherwise it gets really cracked, and last time we were there it was heartbreaking to see their poor legs so cut up from extreme dryness.)  I also drove by their houses today, and they saw me and got really excited and started waving, even their mum.  

pakalast.

Today was okay.  I feel really bad about having such a bad attitude about our ministries lately, but I just really need refreshing right now, and I'm not getting that here.  One thing God has been showing me is that I'm not sure I can handle a lifetime of ministry as a pastor, missionary, etc, meaning that this is definitely not what I am called to do every day for the rest of my life.  That it is just so hard to do this because in ministering to others, many times it is easy to forget about ministering to yourself, which is an absolutely crucial part of any person's walk with Christ, and something I value greatly in my walk.  Now, this doesn't mean I won't do some sort of "ministry" in my life, because I do believe that every person is called to ministry of a different sort, it's just that I wasn't designed to be a pastor, basically.  However, I do believe He is showing me a love and desire that He has placed in my heart to see and help the world that He will end up using later.  

I have also become very attached to some of the people here, and they have been incredible friends I want to keep forever.  It is scary because what am I supposed to do?  I want to get to know these people, I want them to get to know me, I want to be good friends with them, but it is so hard when they are here for a month and leave.  Then I have to reinvest in new people, only for them to leave soon as well.  Then to know that they live all over the U.S. and Europe, many of them I will never be able to see again.  I am beginning to get sick, not just here in Uganda, but in my life back home as well, of knowing that many of my friends won't be there forever.  I feel as if I have never had one friend who has always been there, and though I love meeting new people, it would be nice to have at least one person who truly understands every bit of me because they've been with me for so long.  (Disclaimer: I have some AWESOME friends, a few of which I hope & pray will be there forever.)

Other than the fact that I have been a little frustrated with a few things here, I have had some really amazing talks with a few of the volunteers.  There is one girl I have really gotten to know very well, and we had a conversation the other day that I hope and pray I will never forget.  We were talking about how best to handle when we have friends who claim to be Christians, but then we can't see any sort of depth in their relationship with Christ, if they even have pursued a relationship with Him.  This was really interesting, because it was a question I had been faced with many times in the past year, not only towards others, but also towards myself.  We got to share examples of people we knew that we felt God laying on our hearts, and how we handled it or should handle it in the future, and it just really great to talk so freely about that.  We also got to telling each other our testimonies, which was really great.  I always love hearing how awesome God works in others lives, and also becoming more and more appreciative and amazed about how awesome He has worked in my own life.  

I also just talked to a friend about my frustrations I am dealing with in this ministry, and she has definitely helped me a lot.  We plan to take our Saturday as a Sabbath together and go to a nearby town that is really quiet just to relax and bathe in the presence of the Lord to refresh and renew ourselves.  As terrible as it may sound - I am looking forward to Saturday more than anything.

tired&weary.

Where to begin?

My mind continues to race as I am here, and I'm not even sure what this post will be about yet.  I guess we'll see though. 

On Friday we did some door-to-door evangelism in one of the slums in Banda, near Kyambogo.  I was really nervous, as I always am, but this time I got to do it with some people who I felt really comfortable around.  I told them of my fear of evangelism (I wonder if this is a legit phobia?) and the guy who was with me said he would lead at the first couple of houses, but he wanted me to just try leading it once in order to conquer my fear.  I told him maybe.  We went to the first two houses and my partner did a really great job.  However, it is so hard to tell if these seeds have been planted, and it is something I struggle with here a lot.  One of my love languages is words of affirmation, so not seeing the results of our work all the time is really hard.  At the next house, my partner insisted I lead this time.  We went into a woman's household and from the minute we sat down, she began telling us about how much she loved the Lord and how He has just been so good to her in her life.  I could just tell she was so genuine about her passion for Jesus, so instead of walking through the gospel with her, I decided to tell her a generalized version of my testimony.  I asked the Spirit to lead my words, and ended up talking about how the Christian walk isn't always easy, and that God didn't promise it would be, but that there is always a purpose that is worth it in the end as long as we set our sights on Christ.  Then we will be able to see blessings even in the hardest situations.  She seemed genuinely blessed by this, and my partner decided to read a verse to her from Romans.  She got so excited about this verse that she asked us for a pen and paper so she could write it down and study it later.  She shared a little bit about how the Lord was working in her life, and I just saw a joy in her, despite the fact that she was living in a slum where her house gets torn down every year by the government, it inspired and awed me so much.  

Saturday was a free day and a bunch of us went to the craft market in town.  There are so many cool things here, I love it.  

Sunday we went to Kyampisi as the entire team to help with the service, and it was good and frustrating at the same time.  We ended up staying from about 9 am to 6 pm, which was the frustrating part.  The service lasted probably like 4 hours, but luckily I helped with Sunday school, so I was constantly busy.  We then presented a woman who attends the church, Maggie, with a new sewing machine.  She is deaf and mute and sewing is the only way she makes an income, but just recently her old machine had broke.  This was incredible to see her so joyful over something that was so simple.  We also visited the school that Peter (the Ugandan who works with Empower-A-Child and who started Kyampisi Community Church) was building for the kids in the area.  Then we ate lunch at a woman's house and with many of the kids from the church.  Lastly, a boy who has already left decided to buy coffee plants for a couple sponsored kid's families to provide them with a way to make income.  I just love all the beauty in the brokenness of that village.  There was also one precious moment I had with a little girl who was 2 years old.  She was wearing a purple dress, and I'm not sure I ever pronounced her name correctly, but she was hilarious.  She would not stop talking, all in Luganda of course, and even though I could not understand a word she said I thought it was the funniest thing.  I kept trying to make up in my head what she was telling me, and it was so funny to joke around with her when she couldn't even understand me.  Then, I started tickling her and kissing her belly, her cheeks, her forehead.  Finally she grabbed my face with her two little hands and stared me straight in the eyes for a few seconds.  She quickly brought my face to hers and gave me a huge kiss.  I just about died of love for her.  

Today was an awesome day for the most part.  This morning we said goodbye to two volunteers who had come with me on my flight.  To know that an entire month has already gone by is mind boggling.  I feel I have so much left to learn and understand here that I'm not sure I'll get in just 4 more weeks. 

After the first boy left, we were given the choice to either go to Sanyu Babies Home or Nsambya.  I had been to Nsambya the first time and really really hated it.  It is so unorganized because they don't have many people helping them, and the kids just pee everywhere all the time.  It smells disgusting.  However, the other boy who was going to be leaving later that day really loved a boy at Nsambya so we all decided to go with him to help them out.  I now have a much greater love for this place than before.  Sanyu Babies Home is very organized and has a set schedule that is kept every single day, which is really good.  The babies are so obedient there and have developed so much faster than an American baby because of all the activities and rules Sanyu has set in place to most effectively raise them.  However, two of the rules are that volunteers are not supposed to hold them unless feeding the little babies, and we are not supposed to take pictures of the kids.  This is simply to prevent them becoming attached to someone who isn't going to be taking them home, and I'm not entirely sure about the camera rule.  At Nsambya, there are not many rules.  You simply go in, do whatever you see a need for, and if the "mamas" need help, they will ask you.  I thoroughly enjoyed this freedom as we walked into the classroom and all the toddlers screamed for joy and threw their little bodies onto our legs, begging to be loved.  I have had a talk with one of my best friends at home about kids and how much they need loving touches, simply for their own mental health.  I was reminded of this as each kid I saw stretched out a hand to be touched, held, kissed, played with, anything.  I held a toddler named Christine today, I had held her the first time I visited as well, so it was cool to see she remembered me.  She is a little spitfire.  I would make funny faces at her, and she would return the same face to me.  I even taught her how to raspberry.  Multiple times she would grab my face and kiss my cheeks, wrap her little arms around my waist while resting her head in my chest.  It was so precious and I absolutely fell in love with her.  But the thing that did the trick, was one time as she was stroking my cheeks, she whispered "Emily."  She really did remember me.  I was so blessed, and pretty much freaked out asking everyone if they had heard what she had said.  Soon after though, the "mamas" needed help with the little babies, feeding and changing them.  So I did that and ended up with the happiest baby - Josephine.  She was adorable, and after having her bottle, she fell asleep with her head in my chest, arms around my neck.  I just really appreciated this ministry today because I don't stress out about it as much.  At the schools, I am constantly worrying about what I should, say, do, dress like, act in order to reflect Christ to these kids, but at the Babies Homes all I have to do is pay attention to them and love them with the love of Christ which, trust me, is not a hard job.  I just really needed this break to get refreshed and excited again about my ministry here.  

The rest of the day was just spent relaxing and planning out the next week.  I really needed some chill time, but I had an unpleasant surprise waiting to happen that night.  We had been planning to go to Kyambogo that night, and I told Lydia that I would most likely be back, but I can never be sure because Uganda is always uncertain with planning.  However, just a cultural difference here that is so unbelievably frustrating, is that Ugandans don't understand the term "maybe."  This might seem strange, and trivial, but it really is a big deal.  You can tell someone you "might" do something later on, and you just promised them you would do it.  This makes talking about any form of the future, near or far, really difficult.  You can say to a Ugandan I "may" come tomorrow, and they will be disappointed when you don't show.  However, you can't say you will for sure, because you don't want to promise them and fall short, but you don't want to say no, because you don't want them to just not show up.  You can also say to a Ugandan that "maybe" God will lead me back to Uganda after college for long-term, and in saying that, you have just signed your life to coming back and living/working with them after graduation.  Yes this is all true.  Yes both of these cases have happened to me so far, plus many more, and it is SO frustrating!  

So, when I was just unwinding from the crazy week we had, I really was not in the mood for talking or being crazy outgoing, when one of the volunteers returned with a ton of kids from Kyambogo, two of which were Lydia and Matovu.  I am ashamed to say I immediately wished they weren't there, I was not in the mood to be able to minister to them effectively, and I just wanted a break.  They both sat next to me, Lydia with a look on her face as a mixture of anger and disappointment.  The first thing she said to me was "you deceived us."  This just broke my heart.  I had told them I "might" come and see them on Monday, but I couldn't be sure, and it ended up working out that I couldn't go.  Therefore, they thought I had broken my promise, since they assumed my uncertainty was actually very certain.  I apologized to them over and over again, but to be honest, I am simply worn out.  The directors have jam-packed our schedules so much, and I am spiritually, physically, emotionally exhausted.  I am ashamed to say I was happy when they left soon after because I have had just about no time to unwind and think, which is something that I definitely need right now.  

I guess I just really, desperately, need a Sabbath.  In this culture, they have grown up not having time to stop and think because they have to accomplish so much in a day's time.  I feel like even Sundays with this organization haven't been really a "day of rest" because we get asked to run Sunday School or do some sort of serving at the church, which is good, but honestly, I am exhausted and I need a break.

...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

Today was a bit emotional for me, I have been feeling this coming on for a while now, and I think today might have been the breaking point.  I have learned that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.  That it is easy for people to tell what I am feeling, how I am, without even asking.  I have tried to hide this feeling for about 3 days now, and every day I try to hide it.  Today one good friend of mine sat next to me and bluntly said, "You don't hide your feelings very well, stop telling everyone you're fine, I know you're not, we all know you're not.  What's wrong?"

My mind races, and the weirdest part about this feeling is I can't pinpoint the one thing that is truly bothering me.

Though I am in love with this country, these people, this culture, there are many things that are frustrating me right now.  One of the main ministries we do is that we visit primary and secondary schools and do what we call a "program" for the Scripture Union or just for the kids.  Though I like our program (praise&worship, opening prayer, message, closing prayer) it is beginning to feel routine, and it feels as if there is no room for the Spirit to move in these times.  I also really believe in listening to the kids and meeting their needs, and sharing applicable things with them, and the "program" does not leave a lot of time for this.  I guess just all day I was sitting here, contemplating my purpose here, and I realized that I did not have any personal relationships with one kid in particular.  I talk to many volunteers here who have connected quite a bit with at least one kid and have been able to watch them grow and encourage them in faith and that is something that I desperately want.  I'm not sure if it's selfish or not, but that's just something I would like to do for someone, just for affirmation that I really did touch someone's life here.  I was praying and praying about this so hard, and finally I just gave up.  I really felt tempted by the devil in that moment to become negative about my time here, to think that me being here is doing nothing, and I began dwelling on past frustrations that were so trivial it didn't even make sense that my mind was bringing them up again.  This made me so upset and sad and frustrated that almost every person I talked to annoyed me.  I just prayed God would give me a good attitude, or at least help me to fake a good attitude (which I'm not sure He agreed to this prayer, maybe He would if I changed the wording a bit, because even typing this now seems silly and selfish) throughout our projects today.  

Sanyu Babies Home was good, but it was a little frustrating because I only got to play with the kids for probably the first hour we were there, and then the rest of the time was spent sorting clothes and putting them away.  However, I got to do this with a volunteer I have really come to love and respect a lot, so that was good.  

We then were supposed to go to the Remand Home.  I'm not sure I have written about this project yet, but the last time I went I had a really hard time with it.  The Remand Home is basically a juvenile detention center, however, the way the justice system works here, people are guilty until proven innocent.  So there are many people in this detention center who have not done anything wrong, but are still staying in the prison for longer than they deserve to.  The people who run this center also many times make up excuses to not take these kids to their court dates, causing them to stay in this place even longer.  However, there are some legitimate criminals in there as well.  The main cases are robbery, defilement (rape), and murder.  This is also flawed, as many of those who are innocent learn from these criminals that it is actually okay to commit crimes, and they return home worse off than before.  The last time I went, I have to admit I was scared out of my mind, so I didn't try very hard to reach many of the kids, but God had other plans.  There was a girl who sat by me and tried to talk to me, though her English was quite broken.  We didn't talk about anything too deep or spiritual, but she did tell me why she was there.  One of her friends had gotten angry with her, so she reported to the police that Irene (this is the girl's name) had stolen her ball.  I had completely forgotten about this encounter until this morning when I realized we were returning to the Remand Home.  Once we got there, I sat down in the area I had sat before, and within five minutes Irene came and sat beside me.  "Do you remember me?  What is my name?"  I told her I did remember her, and that her name was Irene, and she was obviously very pleased.  I had brought her some candy, because I know she had been wanting some cookies or candy since the food there is very bland, and she seemed very grateful.  I asked her how she had been the past two weeks and if she had done anything interesting, and she informed me that she was supposed to have her court date last week but the van wasn't working so she missed it.  She had it rescheduled for next Wednesday.  I talked to her only a little more, and we began our program.  She seemed much more alive today than the last time I saw her, as she sang each praise&worship song with much more joy than before.  One of the volunteers gave a really powerful message, that I can only pray really touched some of the kids' hearts.  Though I'm sure it did, because it caused even me to get tears in my eyes at this beautiful girl speaking with such purpose behind some really traumatic events from her past.  I talked with Irene a little bit afterwards, when all of a sudden she pulled out something from her pocket.  She put two bracelets on my wrist that she had made for me.  The last time I was here, I commented on her necklace and she tried to give it to me but I refused because it was hers.  She promised me she would make me one for next time.  I can't believe she remembered.  She then told me that any day I wanted to visit her, I could come.  I asked when she wanted me to come, and she told me Tuesday so I could see her before her court date.  She also asked if I could get her some underwear, a towel, and sugar for her tea and porridge.  I readily agreed to do so if it was possible, and am still figuring out if I will be able to see her on Tuesday.  I also asked if she had her Bible with her at Remand, and she said she was not allowed to bring it with her.  I offered to buy her a Bible in Luganda, and she smiled and said she would really like that.  We then had to go, so I said my goodbyes and left a lot more joyful.  

God completely provided my joy.  He gave me Irene, this girl I am now invested into, to give me a purpose for at least right now.  I am also so eager to buy her this Bible, as I hope this will start some conversation about how the Lord has worked in her life.  She was shy when I asked her questions such as these last time, but I think she is trusting me more now that I have returned and specifically talked with her again.  I also, just about five minutes ago, read the message in my devotional book today, and I wish I would have read it this morning.  It specifically spoke into what I was struggling with today, as it often supernaturally, amazingly does, and would have really helped.  I still feel the desire to be a little more mellow than I have been in the past few days, but I think that's just me.  I love people, but at the same time I love to be alone, just me and God, and that is something that is really hard to come by in a house filled with over 20 very loud personalities, and is something I have been craving for a while now.

squatters

Today was an amazing day.  We first went to Sanyu Babies Home where we got to play with the kids, and I am very excited because I am finally beginning to be able to recognize each of the babies by name.  When we got back home we planned out the week as to which groups were going where and who would be speaking, etc.

The plans for the afternoon were set to go to Kyambogo to play basketball, and I was going to go so I could see Lydia and another boy named Matovu (who I have nicknamed Matoke, a traditional Ugandan meal).  However, me and a friend Vanessa have been wanting to return to a place near Kyambogo for a while now and we decided to see if we could go there this afternoon.  This place is right next to the Bugandan King's palace in Kyambogo.  

Let me just explain this a little bit, Uganda has a president and a Parliament and Kings.  The President (Museveni, currently) has the most authority over the country and finalizes all decisions.  The Kings are the descendants of the chiefs of all the different tribes in Uganda.  So there is a Bugandan King for the Bugandan tribe, an Acholi King for the Acholi tribe, etc.  The Parliament is made up of people elected from all of these tribes as well as the Kings and has a say in certain issues.  

Let's go back, so we wanted to go back to a place right next to the King's palace.  These people are actually Acholis (traditionally found in the North) who are called "squatters" because they are technically living on the King's land even though many have lived there all of their lives.  It was so much fun today because there was no "program," we didn't have a specific game plan, we just hung out with the kids.  We let them play with bubbles and I swear that could have kept them occupied for ages.  We then brought some yarn and bead and let them make necklaces and bracelets.  It was so precious to watch them make something so simple and see how much joy it brought them.  There was one girl, the same one I got attached to last time, who ran up to me and gave me a huge hug.  She refused to let go of my hand and whenever I would let go she would throw her whole body onto my lap, clasping my waist and smiling, begging to be kissed and tickled.  It was so precious and I can't wait to go back and see her again.  I also got to see little Josephine who I met at church two weekends ago.  I found out she lived there with her 11 brothers and sisters who we had met the first time we went.  It was so precious to hang out with them, sing with them, dance with them, play with them, and pray with them.  The mother and father were so happy to see us and were sad to see us leave, we promised we would come back.  

That's all I have for today.  Not too many insightful things, just overwhelming joy despite all circumstances.