Okay, here it is. I was hoping this post was going to be decently profound, but I’m not sure it will be that way. I am excited to post this nonetheless, but I hope all this introduction to it isn’t anticlimactic.
So, before the Lord even laid this poem on my heart, I had been talking to a very wise woman about how I was frustrated that I didn't know my purpose here. She simply said, "I don't think you're supposed to look for the revelation, I think you're just supposed to enjoy each day as a new experience." Now that I see this, I know this is true. As I have written about in earlier posts, God has taken me through many "deaths to the flesh" after I committed my life to Him last summer, simply as a way to transform me and grow me further in Him. The "death" I had been going through before I left, and that I know this trip is serving to teach me, is the death to my plans.
Any of you who truly know me, know that I am a planner. I am just about as organized as you can get, and if it weren't for my planner and my iCal on my computer, I would probably get so stressed that I would take a day out of my routine to organize my life. I have had the 10-year plan written up in my head as to how my life would run, but in the two months before school ended in Spring Semester up until the present, God has been ripping these plans to shreds one by one. So this "death" is probably going to be one of my hardest.
It also forces me to give up the control that I think I have over my life. While I have been here, I literally have had no control over anything. I can't control when we will go back to a certain school or project, I can't control if I have toast in the morning or not, I can't control what time we leave no matter what time we're supposed to leave, I can't control what we do, I can't control what happens tomorrow, I can't control the internet, I can't control the running water or the electricity, and these are just the basics. Probably the worst thing I have experienced however, is the fact that I can't control the people I meet. I can't handle their problems. I can't fix them. However, He is showing me that He can. By showing these people Him, whether that means we tell them about Him directly, or simply show interest in them out of brotherly/sisterly love in Christ, He will reveal themselves to them, and He will help them. I just may not see it.
Now, simply because I have written this down, doesn't mean I fully grasp it. Many of these things still frustrate me, and I know His work is not done yet. However, He has given me another month to work through that with me.
I was going to wait to post this next part until the end of the week, but this little teeny message from my Jesus is what has been pushing me through my ministry the past three days. I am so excited about it even now, that I simply cannot wait any longer. I guess the way I am going to do this is that I will type it up now, and explain it as best I can, though I would like for it to speak for itself for the most part. I hope you enjoy it, and don’t find it too corny.
He loves them so much.
His Heart yearns to be beside them all day long.
Yet He can’t.
We are too broken.
Too far away.
His arms stretch from the Heavens,
Still they do not reach.
His broken Heart beats.
It pounds furiously in His chest.
Longing to hold His sons and daughters safely in His arms.
He sends His Son.
This is the only way to ease His broken Heart.
Yet the compromise is bittersweet.
He sends The One to save the many, from the one who destroys them all.
His Son lives on.
His Son lives in Me.
He breathes in Me.
He Loves in Me.
By sending me here,
By sending me to them,
He gets to be here as well.
He gets to be here, with them.
I bridge the gap.
Through Me, He feels the smooth, dark skin of His children.
Through Me, He kisses their cheeks.
Through Me, He tickles their bloated bellies.
Through Me, He whispers His Perfect Love in their ears.
He rejoices at their smiles, and contented giggles.
He Loves them, through Me.
I am here to bridge the gap,
The gap that keeps Him from them.
Now that I have been sent, He holds them once again.
There is no glory for His Vessel.
Though a Vessel never asks for glory,
She only asks to be used.
He uses Me, to Love them.
This is why I am here. I am not here so that I can show everyone how cute I look holding an African baby. I am not here to prove to people how great of a humanitarian I am because I went and helped out in Africa. I am not here to be able to tell people that I led "x" amount of people to Christ. I am not here to make any sort of profit, or get any sort of glory whatsoever. I am here because Jesus Christ, the Son of God, my Abba Father, lives in Me through His Spirit. I am here because my Father misses His children, and wants to hold them again. He wants to be with them again. I am simply His Vessel here.
It is this image that keeps me moving. It is the gift of His eyes that allows me to love these kids unconditionally. Each time I go anywhere and catch the glance of one of His beautiful children, He shows me His Heart for them. He shows me how much He loves them, how His Heart breaks for them, how much He misses them, and it takes all of my energy to not run up to them right then and there and wrap them up in a hug and never let them go.
He simply wants to hold them, and Me, being undeserving of any role in His Plans, am honored to be able to let Him hold them, through Me.
