1,095 - 20

August 1st will mark the 1, 095th day that I have been not living in the same state, or city as my girlfriend.  And it will also mark the day that the lease on the apartment we rented, together, starts.

In 20 days, (or less!) I will be finally living in the same city and state as her.  Not to mention, also the same apartment.  I've thought about this time in my life for 1, 095 days now, and I always thought it would feel surreal.  That I wouldn't even be able to imagine it because of how long we haven't had that luxury.  But, really, I mostly just feel like, "it's about damn time."

Looking back, I know distance was right for us.  (Try to find anyone else who feels that way and I think you'll come up empty!)  We needed to be forced to be alone with ourselves and work on our own hurdles alone, in order to be able to be together in a healthy, loving relationship.  We needed to learn that the best kinds of relationships, are one in which two individual people can come together and celebrate, and cherish the other for who they are on their own, and who they become together.  For that, I am so grateful.

But now, we're ready.  We are so ready to be together.  To come home to each other everyday.  I think that's the part that will be surreal (but maybe, hopefully, it's just normal), coming home everyday and seeing her.   I think after a week we'll be like, "ok, so...one of us is supposed to leave now" and then WE WON'T.  AH.

I've been getting a lot of texts, calls, and letters from friends.  Some of my best, and some who have reconnected with me after a long time.  They all keep saying they can't wait to visit me & S when we move in together.  The part of me that believes in "signs" and karma and, my favorite phrase my momma taught me, "the universe will bring it to you," believes that this is a sign.  My friends see that I'm finally getting to the place I want to be, and happiness and contentment tend to draw people in.  I can't wait to have them visit me, us, (WHAT?!) and be a part of this new part of my life.  To be actively a part of it.


So to any friends who still read this, you are always welcome in our home.  Thank you for being such a huge part of my life, and our relationship, for the past 3 years.  That time apart from S, but with you, are part of what make us as strong as we are now. 

 

This is going to be short and sweet, and yes, I also posted this on my Tumblr because I am that happy right now and I have too many online blogs

I've been taking a creative writing class that has fully and utterly changed my world.  I could (and probably will) write about it some more later, but for now:

I did it.  Tonight I wrote the poem that made me feel like a poet.  I wrote the poem that made me look up schedules for open mic nights knowing that I would one day (soon) get on a stage and read that poem with every fiber of my heart and the audience would snap along and say, "Girl, you got soul."  And tonight, I would believe them.  But tomorrow, I will take my prized words and I will put them in my binder, to be revealed to my class only on the day that they were meant to be revealed, and that will be it.  Because a writer cannot have too much ego, or they will never write another great poem again.

somedays i think about the little bits of time we have together
and it makes me wish that when you were napping in my lap
i would have memorized your face and stayed there
just a little longer.

20 hours and counting...

It still hasn't hit me yet.

~

I can't even wrap my head around the idea that tomorrow I will be there.

~

The place of my dreams will be my home.

~

Well friends, I guess this is the first post of my literal "journey." So far, I have only spoken of the preparations for this trip, and the path that has led me here. Which, now that I look back at them, it makes me laugh to see how intimately planned and unsuspected they were. A year ago today, I was preparing for SpringHill, the 3 weeks that changed my life around. I would NEVER have guessed that within that short time God would lead me here. Africa. Uganda. Gulu. Kampala. Children even. Can you imagine?! A year ago today, I could not STAND being around kids! Now, I am fascinated by them. I look at babies in restaurants and imagine myself years from now (yes Mom & Dad, years...im not ready for this too soon) with a round belly and a little baby bouncing on my knee. I dream of a life in a country where time doesn't matter. Where the days pass, and we take what comes minute by minute, moment by moment. We don't try and spend our moments planning out our weeks. (Why I'm using the plural tense, I'm not sure, but it seems to fit.) I have this image in my mind of me standing outside a beautifully worn clay building, my orphanage. Watching my hundreds of little orphaned children running and playing. I look down at my round pregnant belly and dream of my own child soon to come into the world, and am reminded of how blessed I am. In this image, I never worry what comes next. I never worry where I got the money, where I will get the money, if I will be a good parent, if I'm doing it "right," how I will manage if something terrible happens. I am just there. If someone would have told me a year ago today, that this was my dream and this is what I would be doing a year later, I would have laughed in their face. Now, I can't think of anything else I would rather want.

~

As I continue with my last minute packing & preparations, I wonder if I will ever learn to live in the present moment. Does anyone ever "get" to the level of mental maturity to be able to live out that discipline? My mind races from one dream to another of things I would like to do, people & places I would like to see, things I would like to see God do. Each time my mind veers off it's focus, I try to bring it back to this moment, this day and the blessings that have been a part of it. But I'm not sure if this is even the "best" thing to do. I've been trying to have as little expectations for this trip as possible, because I would like to be able to take whatever He sends my way without questioning or doubting. But I am a dreamer. That is one of the gifts He has given me. My mind creates these dazzling images, and incredible dreams, that it is so hard for me not to expect anything because I have now spent months dreaming and wondering. I am torn between embracing my gift and letting it fly, and just "being."

~

Well, just an overview of the last minute things that happened today. I am (almost) fully packed, and am confirming my flight as we speak. I just returned home from a going-away party my Mema threw for me with some friends and family members, and it was lovely just to sit and eat a home-cooked meal and talk on my last night in the States. I also got to speak with one of the ladies at Empower-A-Child via skype this morning, which was very exciting! It is so amazing that technology is allowing us to verbally speak to one another on completely opposite sides of the globe! She asked me which places I am most looking forward to seeing, and I told her the orphanage and Gulu. My dream of my own orphanage is what propels me to want to spend as much time as possible there, as well as other dreams that He has blessed me with which I will mention in detail later when He delivers. My heart is also drawn to Gulu simply because that was the first place I had ever even heard of in Uganda from the Invisible Children documentary. (By the way, if any of you want to do some catching up on how I got involved in this, and why I am drawn to Uganda, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTyOL4waE0Q. This is the documentary that propelled my passion 4 years ago. It is in 12 parts on youtube, so after part 1, you can click on part 2 listed on the right-hand side of the screen, etc. It will change you, guaranteed.) Back to my chat with this wonderful woman, when I told her these things, she informed me that I might be able to go to Gulu as soon as Wednesday, because there is a group of people who are already there and are leaving for Gulu on Wednesday. Wow. For starters, this already exceeds my expectations, which is another reason why I want to keep an open mind. I guess we will see what He has in store.

~

Yes, we will see.