Wowza

So today is the 19th anniversary of my birth.  Looking back on the changes that have happened not only within the last 6-7 months, but within the whole 19 years of my life is incredible.  I am noticing more and more everyday how blessed I am.

Africa Update:  There has been a change of plans.  With the program I was originally looking at (H.E.A.L.S. Uganda) I have become very frustrated, and I feel that God has shut that door for now.  I have prayed earnestly about whether it is still in God's will for me to go to Africa and I have never received a more clear answer from Him.  Yes, I will go, and soon.  I have found a different company called Empower A Child (www.empower-a-child.org) and I am very very hopeful that this is the right company to go with.  I have applied to go for 2 months and be a part of a Ministry Support Team based in Kampala, Uganda.  Through this team I would learn the cultural norms and taboos within all aspects of Ugandan life.  Then each morning, a team of volunteers from all around the world get together and do daily devotions, seeking God's will for that day.  Depending on where God is leading us that day, the company will take us to that ministry.  They volunteer at Babies' Homes, Orphanages, Hospitals for children severely injured by the war, a Youth School, a "Soup Kitchen" or sorts, and the best part is, if I feel led to go to Gulu and experience the IDP camps, work with Invisible Children, or even H.E.A.L.S., they have promised to do anything in their power to get me there.  Also, money wise I am feeling very confident.  I have enough money for everything except my plane ticket, of which the price has dropped by $1000.  I now only need $3000 total, and I am just over halfway there.  Recently I was praying and was very frustrated with worrying about the money getting in on time, and being prepared for the trip.  Then I met a couple at a local church in Holland I have been attending who were missionaries in Uganda for a few months.  They told me their story.  God provided them with $1000 the day before they left for Uganda, which was exactly the amount they needed to be able to fully commit.  Money and plane tickets are small things for God to figure out, and I am trusting.  Also, everyday this week I have received a very generous check in the mail from various people.  God's provision fills me with awe.  

With all of that good, I am having a lot of struggles spiritually. 

1.  I can't pray eloquently.  It's something I struggle with ALL the time.  Literally me praying is casually talking to God.  "Hey God, what's up?  Well here's what's going on with me..." which is great, I think, but then it comes time to pray in a big group setting and I get so nervous!  Though, the Lord has revealed to me, and many others I am in community with, that He is calling all believers to a season of prayer.  God is moving, and quickly, and with that Satan is not satisfied.  We need to rebuild our temple, and rebuke false teachings and false beliefs.  What a perfect time for the Lord to be my Teacher.  

Lord, teach me how to pray.

2.  I have been feeling the need to get more in-tune with God's Spirit and have been praying for that earnestly.  However, I have had a few instances lately where God's Spirit has guided me to say or do something, and I was too cowardly to follow through.  Too concerned about what others would think of me.  Galatians 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."  

Lord, help me to truly be your servant and listen to Your commands, and help me to overcome the guilt of the calls I have ignored.  

3.  God has placed a lot of people on my heart lately, and I don't know what to do when I pray for them or what to pray for.  This longing to understand these people's struggles and give them up to God is distracting me from everything.  

Lord, help me to focus on what needs to be done on this earth, so that Your name will be glorified.  Also, that I will be okay with not knowing or understanding these people's struggles if it is not in Your will for me to do so, and that simply by praying for them You will take care of the rest.

4.  God has laid the book of Ezekiel on my heart, and I haven't taken the time to read it yet.  I desperately want to find the time, but I keep getting distracted, though I am excited to see what God will reveal to me through His words.  

Lord, allow me the time to dive into Your word and listen to what you have to say to me.  

Lots of stuff, my life is chaos.  A whirlwind of growth, desperation, hunger, yearning to love and to know Love more.  

I wouldn't have it any other way.