1. Provision.
I have witnessed the most amazing act of provision last Saturday. While I was on Spring Break last week, my family decided to go to the Saturday night service at my church so that we didn't have to wake up early on Sunday, and so I could focus on packing and getting ready to come back to Hope. Pastor Jon was there, and he had us greet each other before the service started. If we're going to be honest here, I haven't always felt the most welcome at this church, and I know it's my own fault. I made some mistakes in my past that caused me to gain a bad reputation with some of the members, and sometimes when one doesn't know another person's whole story it's easy for whatever they do know to be the only image one takes notice of. (hopefully that made sense?) However, I had never felt more welcome at my church than last Saturday. These people had hardly seen or heard about me, didn't really know about my past, and were so friendly, a term I'm not sure if I would associate with some other people I have known there. Pastor Jon preached an awesome sermon, and I laughed as my brother made some funny comments. He whispered to me, "Geez, I could never talk as long as Pastor Jon does!" So I whispered back, "You know, that's not Pastor Jon talking, that's God talking through him." His witty response was, "Well, then I could NEVER talk as long as God talks." Then at the end of the service, Pastor Jon called me up to the front of the church to tell my story and my mission for this summer in Uganda, since I had never spoke at the Saturday night service before. I told them a brief description, and that I needed $700 more to be able to go for two months. After the service officially ended, I began to walk out of the sanctuary and was stopped by so so many of the attendees, who in turn handed me as much money as they could afford.
I walked into that service expecting nothing, and walked out with enough money to fully cover the two months I will be spending in Uganda this summer.
I had been asking so many people to pray for me for God's provision, but for some reason I never prayed for it myself. I felt like it was a scam to ask God for money, because I knew that He would provide. But that week and the week before, I broke down before the Lord and presented my requests to Him. I think He just wanted to see me desperate, and for me to ask Him to step in and provide, admitting that I couldn't do it on my own. There is still a little bit of money here and there that I need, but for the most part I have all that I need. I got vaccinated while I was home, and shopped for some long dresses to cover my knees, and hiking sandals, and it's finally sinking in. I. Will. Be. Going. To. Uganda. THIS. Summer. Wow.
2. David.
I have recently wondered why God wants me going so badly to Uganda. I know He has given me a heart for they country and the people of that country, but why now? I know that I'm inadequate for this. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was at SpringHill this summer, fully accepting Christ into my heart. I don't know anything. I haven't read the entire Bible. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to say when a 7-year old orphan asks me who Jesus is. I am just discovering and learning how my relationship with Jesus works, how the heck am I going to explain that to these kids? A memory comes back to me of a blissful night spent with my Small Group Bible Study where we all shared our testimonies. I also remember one of the first nights I spent learning about our Jesus with this amazing group of women. That night, I said that I felt God preparing me, I think this is still true now. This whole year has been filled with little lessons that I know God needs me to know, but why I need to know them is still a mystery. I don't remember how this idea came into my head on our testimony night, but as I was telling my own story of how my Jesus grabbed my hand and refused to let me go, I remembered what I had said before about preparation. I repeated this truth, and added that I didn't know what it was for, but I knew I was being prepared. Again, I don't know how this came up, but someone must have talked about being a vessel, where they had been completely taken out of a particular situation and how God had filled them and worked through them in that moment. The reality of my security in Jesus hit me so hard. If I know nothing, if I am absolutely inadequate on my own, and recognize this weakness, this is exactly where God wants me. He wants me to recognize that only through Him can I do amazing works for His Kingdom. And if I recognize that it is not me who is strong enough, and has the most knowledge, and knows the right words to say when, but that it's God working through me. When I recognize it's not my own success, but the Lord's, He gets the glory. Which is all He wants. He wants us to be meek, a term I used to describe my faith in the past as a shameful term, and now I take pride in it. A term that means gentle, kind, obedient, and submissive, all of which are definitions that are looked down on by the world, but blessed by the Lord.
Now, none of this has explained the David reference. A friend of mine sent me a testimony a while ago that he had heard before and said was incredible and wanted to share it with a few of his friends. I saved it, but didn't listen to it for a while. (It had a lot of tracks and that kind of deterred me.) But the other day, I was by myself, not wanting to do my homework, and I decided to listen to it while making my bed. This woman's story touched my heart in ways unexplainable, and twice I broke down in tears because I knew that God was using this woman's story to speak straight into my fears and concerns about this summer. Here is the website if you would like to check it out, because I cannot explain the whole thing in words. (http://www.plumblineministries.com/surrendered_to_love__testimony_of_jennifer_miller) However, one of the parts that really spoke to me was when she described a time in her life when she was called by God to go to Kenya. At this time God also asked her to betroth herself to Him, a task that was hard for her because she desperately wanted to get married. I have to admit, I do not want to get married yet, but I know that going into this trip I was definitely looking forward to meeting nice Christian men who share my passion for the children of Uganda, and was also looking forward to a possible relationship resulting from this. She explained that God told her that the three years He had called her to in Kenya were going to be the loneliest times of her life. That the only thing that would be familiar to her was Him, but that she must betroth herself to Him so that she can remain focused and continue to do His will. I knew this was God speaking to me too. I am going into this knowing no one and never having been on a real missions trip. I know this trip is going to be lonely, but God is calling me to betroth myself to Him during this time so that I can draw so incredibly close to Him and be intensely aware of His presence and the "nudgings" of His Spirit.
The second part that I felt God speaking to me, was when she announced the entire message behind her testimony. She said that she had gone into Kenya, not knowing what to expect, and finding a hell she could not have imagined. She was faced with tasks so much larger than herself, and she knew she was inadequate to solve them. She began to question why God was asking her to be there. This is something I have been wondering too. I know I am inadequate, and it's weird for me to see other people so confident in the fact that I need to go this summer, when I myself am wondering why this is all working out. I am grateful and excited for it, but I'm not sure why it is me that God wants to be there. In her testimony, when she asked God these questions, God replied, "Jennifer, do you not believe that I am a God who still uses Davids to defeat Goliaths? You are absolutely right, you by yourself are inadequate to do this. But with me, I can defeat this through you." For two months of my summer, I will be David. Completely inadequate, but through the strength of the Lord, He will defeat Goliath.
3. Fellowship.
Oh how I have loved being back at Hope. Being at home was nice, and I felt like I got a lot done there, but here I have a different sense of accomplishment. I truly feel like I do what God wants me to do every day. I love sitting in the chapel, watching this Hope community I have the privilege to be a part of, worshipping our Jesus, and it fills me with so much joy. I have been lavished with incredible fellowship, and I am so happy to be back. It has been a little hard because a lot of my friends went to awesome places in the world. I am so happy for them and am blessed by their stories of what God was teaching them through their trips, but many of them have been almost depressed because they just want to be back there. Which, I'm sure I will be experiencing coming back from Uganda, but it's really hard to be so excited about being back at Hope, when so much of my fellowship is just...not.
4. Prayer.
God has been answering a lot of prayers. (As seen in all the things above.) He has also taught me that He wants me to spend a lot of time in prayer. A while ago, God called me to be His prayer warrior, and pray for those people He lays on my heart, and I kept it up for a while, but I have since drifted a little, and I am feeling a tug on my heart to come back. One answered prayer has surprised me a lot however. There is someone I have felt God laying so heavy on my heart that at one point I could only think about how to talk to her, because I knew I needed to. We have since began meeting regularly and God has just continually blessed our time together. I am eager to see how He continues working in this relationship.
5. Revolution.
Invisible Children is back as an active part of my life. They are hosting a world wide event called The Rescue on April 25th, and one of the locations is in downtown Grand Rapids. I recently organized a informational meeting to get a group of Hope students interested, and 40 students came! It was so cool! Not only did they come, and were attentive through all the video clips, but they were all so eager to get involved, sign-up, and spread the word. I am excited to see how Hope responds to the mass participation in this protest event, and even more excited to be a part of it because I think it is going to be one of their best events thus far. If you want more info you should check out the events webpage. (http://therescue.invisiblechildren.com) This generation is going through a Love revolution, and I am so excited to be a part of it.
One other thing I left out, the dramatic restoration I was expecting from God did not exactly happen. However, prayers were still answered, as the prayers that I asked from people were for courage and boldness. A conversation confronting the issue was initiated between me and this person, but it wasn't conclusive, and this process definitely isn't over. However, I am realizing that I might not ever hear the conclusion for myself, but I know that if I stay attentive and obedient to the will of the Spirit, that God will work through that no matter what.
Psalm 16:11 "You have made known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Me and a friend studied this verse one day this week, and God spoke through it so much and I really want to share it. At first glance I read the beginning phrase and thought, "okay, God's made His will known to me, great." But then I realized that was a total lie, God has not revealed to me His will for my life, maybe for the day that just happened, the conversation I'm about to have, the things that are coming up that I need to see, but He definitely hasn't shown me His will for my life. Then, I rearranged the wording of this beginning phrase, and began to say it in accordance with the rest of the verse. "You have made known to me how I am to live, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Awesome.
I love you all.
Mukama Asiimwe.
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